Discovery

Discovery is a word attorneys through around and often do not take the time to explaint its functions to their clients.  Discovery is both written (answers to questions from the opposing counsel, documents requested from you by the opposing counsel) and oral (depositions of necessary parties and witnesses).  The process is tedious for attorneys and clients alike.  The process is often costly.  However, discovery enables your attorney to have access to information that is often necessary to resolve your case or to try your case. 

For example, in most marriages one party or the other is primarily responsible for the bills.  Discovery enables the other party to ascertain a financial picture of the parties' marital estate and assists attorneys in evaluating and advising on property distribution as well as spousal support.

Should you choose to settle your case without the completion of full discovery, your attorney will likely include a waiver in his/her marital dissolution agreement or a separate signed waiver which will advise you, the client, that by entering into a settlement without completing discovery then you are aware you that there may be assets and/or liabilities that are not known to you. 

It is most helpful to your attorney if you are able to collect documents requested by the opposing counsel yourself and organize them to make it easier on your attorney to review and digest the information.

Breach of Trust

I wonder as I litigate divorce case after divorce case - was adultery as prevalent 20 years ago as it is now.  In the age of cell phones, complete with text messaging and instant photographs, videos, etc. and facebook, myspace, twitter, etc. is infidelity more readily accessible?  The days of Dad cheating with his  secretary during lunch seems to have given way to people reconnecting with their past on facebook or achieving arousement and chemistry with someone via text. 

I can't help but wonder if this technology fantasy does not lead to utter disappointment when the fantasy which initially appears to be a great escape from the monotony of paying bills, mowing the lawn, soccer games, and keeping up with clean underwear becomes reality after divorce and the unfaithful spouse is left looking for a departure from his/her new reality once his/her sexting buddy evolves from illicit photographs, texts and trysts to the person who you are reminding to take out the garbage or pick up the kids from soccer. 

It Takes Time

Purgatory does not have a positive tone.  Unfortunately, that is what many of my clients live in daily when going through a child custody dispute or a divorce.  When litigation is pending, every step that you take is under scrutiny.  You think twice about having a glass of wine with dinner and then driving home.  A raise that seemed promising Six (6) months ago now makes you wonder if your child support will increase or decrease.  Job opportunities are lost because of the uncertainty of where you will be living when the divorce is through.  As difficult as the transition time is, it is important to remember that most divorces or child custody disputes do not last forever.  Try to compartmentalize the litigation as much as you can so that it does not consume your life.  If you are having difficulty dealing with the stress litigation causes, then seek counseling through a local professional or through a local church.  Find 20 minutes a day to take a walk outside and clear your mind.  Remember, that it takes time to resolve all issues associated with a divorce and there is no quick fix.  Plenty of reading materials are available to help guide you through divorce and/or child custody.  If meeting with your attorney stresses you out, I suggest you keep a notepad in your bedside table or desk drawer and jot down questions you need your attorney to answer so that you maximize the time you spend (and are paying for) on the phone with your attorney or meeting with your attorney.

Careful Steps

Sometimes in the course of litigation, a client or an attorney is so eager to obtain a positive result, the client (or the attorney) fail to take a step back and look at the entire forest when the large oak tree right in front of you is in the way.  It is important in law and in life to look before you leap, take that all important step back so that you don't loose perspective of longterm goals or plans. 

To Stay or Not to Stay

One of the biggest decisions you will make when divorcing is the decision of whether divorce is right for you and your spouse. The decision is not quite as black and white as one might think. Even when s spouse is unfaithful, unkind, or even abusive many other factors come into play. Often parties are afraid that they will not be able to survive financially without their spouse's income, a wife or husband may have been out of the workforce for a period of time and be afraid of the economic results of having to re-enter the workforce, or a spouse may simply not be experienced handling money matters if the other spouse primarily handled the parties' finances. If a spouse has been unfaithful, you have to work through the initial anger and hurt before deciding if counseling is an alternative to divorce.

A competent divorce attorney should be able to assist you in developing a financial outline as you go through the divorce process, refer you to agencies who specialize in budget assistance or financial assistance, or refer you to a financial advisor. If you are struggling to deal with infidelity or abuse, a divorce attorney should have a network of counselors who he or she should be able to suggest to meet your needs.

When making one of the most important decisions of you life, be sure to weigh all of your options and look before you leap....